One Thing: 2014

December 31, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm carrying my inability to be vulnerable in my body.

One thing I'm grateful for: Parting ways with 2014. It all had to happen, but holy shit was it hard. Happy New Year.

December 30, 2014

One thing I learned today: Caretakers need a break too.

One thing I'm grateful for: A reason to take tomorrow off.

December 29, 2014

One thing I learned today: kintsukori - (n.) (v. phr.) "to repair with gold"; the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken

One thing I'm grateful for: 1 year ago: "I'm so depressed. I'm disappointed in myself, hate myself and my life right now. Trying to dig myself out of a hole and it's hard. I have no motivation and feel constantly burnt out and depressed and like I just can't do it anymore. I want everything to stop for a little while."

Today: I'm not depressed. I'm proud of myself, love myself and am working to create a life I love right now. I'm not digging myself out of a hole, but climbing up a mountain.I have so much motivation and feel healthy and strong. I want to keep going.

December 28, 2014

One thing I learned today: I am really good at Jenga.

One thing I'm grateful for: EHRMEGHERD YEHRGHERRRR!!!

December 27, 2014

One thing I learned today: My body is my home. I need to clean it up and move back in.

One thing I'm grateful for: Walking into a house full of smiling faces.

December 26, 2014

One thing I learned today: I want to do the work. I want to move through the world in a better way.

One thing I'm grateful for: Coming home - in more ways than one.

December 25, 2014

One thing I learned today: 48 hours is the upper limit.

One thing I'm grateful for: Churn down for what.

December 24, 2014

One thing I learned today: The right food is love.

One thing I'm grateful for: Swimming & a little club of Scrooges.

December 23, 2014

One thing I learned today: I don't need to want to do it - I just need to do it. Opposite action and all that jazz...

One thing I'm grateful for: A conservative practitioner.

December 22, 2014

One thing I learned today: I am so close to committing.

One thing I'm grateful for: An unexpected hug & an unexpected assignment.

December 21, 2014

One thing I learned today: It's the cracks that let the light in.

One thing I'm grateful for: The documentary "Hungry for Change".

December 20, 2014

One thing I learned today: My body is NOT happy with me.

One thing I'm grateful for: The people who were around today. Friends. A lifeline.

December 19, 2014

One thing I learned today: Irritability is maybe one of the worst moodstates. I literally cannot stand the sound of another human's voice right now.

One thing I'm grateful for: Looking forward to passing out immediately post-Biggie's.

December 18, 2014

One thing I learned today: Texting is so f-ing annoying. The worst.

One thing I'm grateful for: Less isolation. And a surprise from my Mom!

December 17, 2014

One thing I learned today: Coffee makes me feel terrible.

One thing I'm grateful for: A little bit of relief, however short-lived.

December 16, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm still good at making quick and drastic turnarounds. But what I want more than anything is for someone else to do it for me.

One thing I'm grateful for: That I did something I didn't want to do.

December 15, 2014

One thing I learned today: Don't eat sugar. Don't drink coffee. Don't fall into these traps. You know what helps and makes you feel healthy.

One thing I'm grateful for: Pharma. (Really.)

December 14, 2014

One thing I learned today: You're not going to get in trouble for needing someone.

One thing I'm grateful for: That I asked for help today.

December 13, 2014

One thing I learned today: Well this is way worse than I expected.

One thing I'm grateful for: My lab.

December 12, 2014

One thing I learned today: Can't catch a break with Bigs.

One thing I'm grateful for: Barry's Bootcamp!

December 11, 2014

One thing I learned today: Sweating feels AMAZING. And my hair can withstand a lot of it.

One thing I'm grateful for: Rediscovering a love for fitness this month. <3

December 10, 2014

One thing I learned today: It's better to get some work done.

One thing I'm grateful for: #TeamTIU

December 9, 2014

One thing I learned today: I think it's sometimes ok to avoid others when you're grumpy. Also, I once again have NO desire to "treat" myself with the crap 99% of people eat. I wish I had more uber-clean-eating friends.

One thing I'm grateful for: Having caught up on sleep!

December 8, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm not going to miss coffee.

One thing I'm grateful for: Matcha!

December 7, 2014

One thing I learned today: Caffeine is a powerful drug.

One thing I'm grateful for: My kitchen.

December 6, 2014

One thing I learned today: Keep trying!

One thing I'm grateful for: A lot of laughter and more time with a great friend.

December 5, 2014

One thing I learned today: I hate Bikram yoga.

One thing I'm grateful for: A friend!

December 4, 2014

One thing I learned today: "The places where you have your biggest challenges are the places where you have the most to give." -TM

One thing I'm grateful for: Self-confidence and stability.

December 3, 2014

One thing I learned today: Be a little more open-minded about this stuff, and a LOT less shameful.

One thing I'm grateful for: Self-care December.

December 2, 2014

One thing I learned today: Beware technology creep.

One thing I'm grateful for: A mission in life.

December 1, 2014

One thing I learned today: Waking up at 5 is always a good call. Feelin' good!

One thing I'm grateful for: My personal matchmaker. ;)

November 30, 2014

One thing I learned today: Eat paleo. You feel so much better.

One thing I'm grateful for: Yoga.

November 29, 2014

One thing I learned today: Don't settle.

One thing I'm grateful for: Hard workouts.

November 28, 2014

One thing I learned today: This is a new version of getting sober.

One thing I'm grateful for:

November 27, 2014

One thing I learned today: I can cook the SHIT out of a turkey. RIP Young Lean.

One thing I'm grateful for: Chosen family.

November 26, 2014

One thing I learned today: Butterflies are bullshit. ;)

One thing I'm grateful for: A break. Some downtime.

November 25, 2014

One thing I learned today: Regular life is probably a little scarier to me than "real" problems.

One thing I'm grateful for: A killer workout.

November 24, 2014

One thing I learned today: Now that my mind is somewhat stabilized, time to re-focus on my physical health. Because damn I let things slide.

One thing I'm grateful for: CLEANING HOUSE!

November 23, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm not doing as badly as I think.

One thing I'm grateful for: A constant stream of good conversation with friends all day, and a fridge full of nutritious & delicious food.

November 22, 2014

One thing I learned today: I may play a bigger hand in my situations than I've been willing to admit.

One thing I'm grateful for: A nice favor from my parents.

November 21, 2014

One thing I learned today: Sometimes I may need to rest more than I want to. :-/

One thing I'm grateful for: Beatz.

November 20, 2014

One thing I learned today: Sleep is REALLY helpful. So is avoiding caffeine. And sugar. And grains/starchy carbs. Nothing shocking, but all way more important than it used to be.

One thing I'm grateful for: Several, actually - what a difference a day makes. A certain element, an unexpected check-up, some surprise motivation, and knowing some people were thinking of me.

November 19, 2014

One thing I learned today: I have to do more to manage this.

One thing I'm grateful for: Not much today.

November 18, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm the winner!

One thing I'm grateful for: Patients.

November 17, 2014

One thing I learned today: You still need to do all the work. The only difference is you might get to do it with your hands untied. It's still hard.

One thing I'm grateful for: The patient who told me I'd be a really good doctor because I knew how to talk to people.

November 16, 2014

One thing I learned today: Well, this is real.

One thing I'm grateful for: A clinician, a friend and a shred of humor.

November 15, 2014

One thing I learned today: My brain is trying to kill me.

One thing I'm grateful for: My BPPP's.

November 14, 2014

One thing I learned today: Be careful what you wish for, I guess.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some definitiveness & a sense of humor.

November 13, 2014

One thing I learned today: Never go to someone who doesn't take insurance - EVER again. Anyone who tells you that it's worth it because only they can really help you is a SNAKE.

One thing I'm grateful for: My kindred psych soul - thank goodness we met!

November 12, 2014

One thing I learned today: Stop procrastinating. Just don't do it anymore. Please.

One thing I'm grateful for: FREEDOM.

November 11, 2014

One thing I learned today: I can be incredibly ruthless when I want to be.

One thing I'm grateful for: The many veterans who have so bravely served our country.

November 10, 2014

One thing I learned today:

"You almost certainly have a mild form of bipolar II with predominant depression."

One thing I'm grateful for:

"Of the four treatment modalities you've undergone, which have you found most helpful?"

"...probably medication actually. Without it I feel like everything else would be kind of moot..."

Glancing up from writing - "Well of course it would be. You have a physical illness." - and right back to scribbling notes, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

That I inadvertently got a second opinion, and some validation, tonight. Laypeople spewing pseudoscience won't ever make me doubt myself again when I've heard it that clearly said by a doctor at the best psychiatric facility in the world. Thank you. Thank you a thousand times over.

November 9, 2014

One thing I learned today: I just don't have space or energy for any sort of negative influence right now. I shouldn't feel guilty about that.

One thing I'm grateful for: An incredibly interesting display of technological creativity that reminded me of how much I need to step away from technology.

November 8, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm not thaaaat into meditation.

One thing I'm grateful for: See above.

November 7, 2014

One thing I learned today: Go to the gym every morning. Just go.

One thing I'm grateful for: An extra day of weekend. And hooky buddies. :)

November 6, 2014

One thing I learned today: It's pretty nice to feel normal.

One thing I'm grateful for: A reasonable amount of motivation.

November 5, 2014

One thing I learned today: "It's a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome." -TS Eliot, on television

One thing I'm grateful for: The terrifying knowledge that I'm ready to commit to truly living by my values. Let the Games begin.

November 4, 2014

One thing I learned today: "You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you're satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you've got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug. Then you're trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you." - Chuck Palahniuk

One thing I'm grateful for: Waking up.

November 3, 2014

One thing I learned today: I HATE texting and social media. I hate screens. I truly do. They are just addictive forces that pull me back in, but I worry if I abandon them, I won't be able to find the other souls who want to truly connect. That I'll just be greeted by a hundred other faces downcast, glowing in the light of screens.

But regardless, this machine goes tomorrow.

One thing I'm grateful for: That I'll never do this again.

November 2, 2014

One thing I learned today: The apathy is the worst part. Unbearable, loud, gut wrenching, raw, cutting emotion isn't half as scary. The apathy though - the apathy scares me.

One thing I'm grateful for: That someone knocked on my door and got me out of the house today. To anyone else reading this, I'll need more of that for the next few months.

November 1, 2014

One thing I learned today: I need to let it go a little bit. There's no way I can really win with my current strategy.

One thing I'm grateful for: Hearing something I could relate to. Someone who challenges me. The growth I've already achieved. Someone else's writing - you reminded me to go back and read about my own past struggles, and there turned out to be a lot of wisdom in those pages, as there was in yours. You helped me feel less alone. Learning (again) that space is important to communication. Hope. Knowing that family is thinking of me. A new month - I don't think I will ever stop loving fresh starts. An extra hour of rest when I really need it. Hope. Letting things be for now. Seeing myself in someone else and in watching him wrestle with his own mind, realizing for the thousandth time how important self-compassion is. Not judging myself for spending most of the day at home, because this is what is right now.

Hope.

October 31, 2014

One thing I learned today: Try to have some fun.

One thing I'm grateful for: My dino head.

October 30, 2014

One thing I learned today: #staysurly

One thing I'm grateful for: A couple of surly friends.

October 29, 2014

One thing I learned today: My early impressions of people are sometimes incredibly off-base.

One thing I'm grateful for: A productive & educational meeting.

October 28, 2014

One thing I learned today: Coenzyme-Q10 is apparently the shit.

One thing I'm grateful for: A favor from a friend.

October 27, 2014

One thing I learned today: Oh, hey #8.

One thing I'm grateful for: Tools. Grit.

October 26, 2014

One thing I learned today: Onesies are the new black.

One thing I'm grateful for: A little novelty to interrupt the flatness.

October 25, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm really afraid to sit with my mind right now, though I'm not sure that avoidance is always a bad thing.

One thing I'm grateful for: Mini shorty.

October 24, 2014

One thing I learned today: I need to accept reality, treatment and the continuous effort I will need to make.

One thing I'm grateful for: Biggie.

October 23, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm really blessed - in a totally secular way.

One thing I'm grateful for: My roommates.

October 22, 2014

One thing I learned today: The cycle continues.

One thing I'm grateful for: Boxing.

October 21, 2014

One thing I learned today: Opening up is rewarding.

One thing I'm grateful for: A reminder to take this seriously.

October 20, 2014

One thing I learned today: It's a little easier to do a little more.

One thing I'm grateful for: Weird friends.

October 19, 2014

One thing I learned today: It can take, oh, four months to a year to FULLY recover from quitting caffeine and get back to baseline. D:

One thing I'm grateful for: Sangha.

October 18, 2014

One thing I learned today: I am incredibly, deeply lonely.

One thing I'm grateful for: Kitten snuggles.

October 17, 2014

One thing I learned today: Sometimes it just hurts.

One thing I'm grateful for: Check-ups.

October 16, 2014

One thing I learned today: All about bees. (And gosh darn, now I am worried about those little suckers!)

One thing I'm grateful for: People who are actually interested in the world at large around them and understand that IT is more important than we are as individuals.

October 15, 2014

One thing I learned today: I can tolerate so much more than most others, and I'm so easily irritated by others' intolerance of discomfort.

EDIT (11/1/14) - I don't like that I wrote this, but I would never change it in the interest of staying honest. This was during a period when I felt I was comparatively suffering more than others, so my mind wanted to find ways in which I was comparatively "better" than them so it felt worth it in some way.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some much needed alone time and promise of a return to more like-minded company.

October 14, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Cure sometimes, treat often, comfort always." -Hippocrates

One thing I'm grateful for: A surge of motivation upon returning home. I think this is what vacation is supposed to do.

October 13, 2014

One thing I learned today: I want to feel grounded.

One thing I'm grateful for: Beautiful scents, things and weather.

October 12, 2014

One thing I learned today: Ten clean days and then a trace amount of gluten showed me that this intolerance is very real.

One thing I'm grateful for: The promise of my own kitchen soon, where I can know what's in my food.

October 11, 2014

One thing I learned today: Every year I underestimate my brain. And every year it reminds me what a dire mistake that is.

One thing I'm grateful for: A beautiful sunset, some tears and some time in silence.

October 10, 2014

One thing I learned today: It is hard to be the only one abstaining from something. And hearing people talk about how great that thing is fucking sucks.

One thing I'm grateful for: That someone checked on me today.

October 9, 2014

One thing I learned today:

One thing I'm grateful for: VACATION

October 8, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Know more today about the world than I knew yesterday and lessen the suffering of others. You'd be surprised how far that gets you." - Neil deGrasse Tyson

One thing I'm grateful for: Healthy treats.

October 7, 2014

One thing I learned today: It's never to late to start being healthy.

One thing I'm grateful for: A competitive streak.

October 6, 2014

One thing I learned today: Plans are great, but overreaction to anticipated depression and attempted constant distraction are not.

One thing I'm grateful for: That the very thing that muzzled me left me with the most to say.

October 5, 2014

One thing I learned today: I don't need a doctor's note to do what's best for my health.

One thing I'm grateful for: A very kindred spirit and some new ideas.

October 4, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Everyone in our dreams is us."

One thing I'm grateful for: "Most of us make a basic and reasonable assumption about sanity: we think it produces good results, and we believe insanity is a problem." --> knowing this is so patently untrue.

October 3, 2014

One thing I learned today: Don't google image search horrific deadly infectious diseases when you're already a little tired/flops.

One thing I'm grateful for: Minds like mine, and the good fortune of having stumbled across a few of them.

October 2, 2014

One thing I learned today: "The truth about science is that not everybody believes, but it is the truth."

One thing I'm grateful for: Fun goals. ;)

October 1, 2014

One thing I learned today: The only danger in turning the dials is they can get stuck.

One thing I'm grateful for: Day 1 of gluten-free life!

September 30, 2014

One thing I learned today: I am officially gluten-intolerant and am 100% banned for life.

One thing I'm grateful for: A friend who reminded me that skeptics about this type of thing are generally idiots without a good knowledge base of science & medicine.

September 29, 2014

One thing I learned today: Can't be lax with morning routine or nutrition no matter how well things are going.

One thing I'm grateful for: Connections.

September 28, 2014

One thing I learned today: Absolutely nothing is wrong.

One thing I'm grateful for: Rolling with life.

September 27, 2014

One thing I learned today: My life is amazing.

One thing I'm grateful for: Saturday health rage.

September 26, 2014

One thing I learned today: I've been to 33 US states so far!

One thing I'm grateful for: So many amazing pending trips!

September 25, 2014

One thing I learned today: Apply Zen-CAT mindset to all areas of life.

One thing I'm grateful for: Fresh food.

September 24, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm in a way cooler club than I thought. And absolutely nothing is wrong with that.

One thing I'm grateful for: Opening up this book and shaking all the dust out of the pages so everyone can read it.

September 23, 2014

One thing I learned today: It was me all along.

One thing I'm grateful for: Insight.

September 22, 2014

One thing I learned today: I actually DO suddenly need more sleep and am far more sensitive to diet. It's important to pay attention to the very real biological changes that occur and work with them.

One thing I'm grateful for: A handful of really smart friends who don't give lame advice.

September 21, 2014

One thing I learned today: I know what to do.

One thing I'm grateful for: I leveled up again. ;)

September 20, 2014

One thing I learned today: I will care, but I will NOT be careful.

One thing I'm grateful for: I feel like at birth most people were handed the keys to a car. Some got sports cars, some got hybrids, some got minivans and some got race cars. But I was handed the keys to a spaceship. Turns out a spaceship is harder to drive than a car, and it's one hell of a frightening ride. But now that I'm getting the hang of it, I can go to some pretty cool places.

September 19, 2014

One thing I learned today: "When a poet digs [her]self into a hole, [she] doesn't climb out. [She] digs deeper, enjoys the scenery, and comes out the other side enlightened." - Criss Jami

One thing I'm grateful for: Knowing myself.

September 18, 2014

One thing I learned today: I love that I have a lot of fight in me, and need sparring partners both in and out of the ring. And there's no need to soften any of that.

One thing I'm grateful for: #kyle

September 17, 2014

One thing I learned today: "What does friendship mean? Well, I think it consists of at least two things: one is being open to someone and being close to someone. Those are both unnatural because in the state of nature if you are open to someone you shouldn't be close to them and if you are close to someone you shouldn't be open to them. So it's an unnatural state. What we want in our work is to become open to each other and close to each other, near each other psychologically and at the same time open to each other psychologically. And that is very difficult to be in, to keep in I mean to be really in. To be near and open would put a lot of what I think into psychotherapy." -Les Havens

One thing I'm grateful for: A sparring partner who encouraged me to hit hard today.

September 16, 2014

One thing I learned today: It's already time to call out the guard.

One thing I'm grateful for: Healing my sugared and glutened innards with green juice, kombucha and farm food. <3

September 15, 2014

One thing I learned today: It is.

One thing I'm grateful for: Peace.

September 14, 2014

One thing I learned today: Nose piercings hurt. More than tattoos.

One thing I'm grateful for: An incredible host and one of the (easily) top five eating days of my life. And great live music. And a glorious hike. And just... Vermont.

And T. Rex's very sexual poses. Me-WOW.

September 13, 2014

One thing I learned today: The only person who needs to know you're a badass is you.

One thing I'm grateful for: Sculpture. -->

September 12, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm feeling pretty ballsy these days.

One thing I'm grateful for: Poles.

I want to go to the edge of the darkness and peer in. From deep within there is a glowing green and red light, barely visible in a cavernous wall of black. I am edging away from my peers. I know what a slippery slope it is, but it is too intoxicating to avoid. I want to feel special. I want to feel engulfed. I want to feel I have withstood trials few men can. He asks me if I am turning the dial, and I reply that I am.

“Why?”

“Because it feels like it’s time to.”

September 11, 2014

One thing I learned today: Just sit back and relax.

One thing I'm grateful for: Reunions!

September 10, 2014

One thing I learned today: How to sk8.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some mental clarity and open communication, as terrifying as that is. And that some cobwebs got seriously shook loose last night.

September 9, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm so afraid that I'm a coward.

One thing I'm grateful for: Allowing myself the flexibility to turn to a less healthy method of comfort, forgiving myself and moving on.

September 8, 2014

One thing I learned today: Always to remember to evaluate the source of advice.

One thing I'm grateful for: Validation from RES, B & T.

September 7, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Dating most people is like making friends with a cat."

One thing I'm grateful for: The return of ZEN-CAT mind. Because standardized tests are metaphors for life.

September 6, 2014

One thing I learned today: Cats throw mad shade.

One thing I'm grateful for: A much needed sit.

September 5, 2014

One thing I learned today: Pain is in my brain. Game on.

One thing I'm grateful for: ;)

me: i think it started on New Year's 2012 when I resolved to be a badass

and then did it.

Becky: if that's not an opening line to your autobiography i don't know what is

September 4, 2014

One thing I learned today: Listen to your friends dammit.

One thing I'm grateful for: Friends with the patience of saints.

September 3, 2014

One thing I learned today: Trust yourself.

One thing I'm grateful for: Sweat.

September 2, 2014

One thing I learned today: Just ask for support.

One thing I'm grateful for: Yoga.

September 1, 2014

One thing I learned today: My day game is strong.

One thing I'm grateful for: A peaceful home to return to with not one, but TWO awesome roommates!

August 31, 2014

One thing I learned today: All of my prisons are of my own building and all of my fears are the shadows of my own thoughts.

One thing I'm grateful for: Seeing another very good friend.

August 30, 2014

One thing I learned today: "You have to prevent your education from removing your capacity to imagine, for part of what education does is to replace imagination with formulations. Hold your formulations lightly, and let your imaginations grow, remembering that all formulations used to be imagination." - Les Havens

One thing I'm grateful for: Seeing a very good friend.

August 29, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Blessed is she who expects nothing. Because she will not be disappointed."

One thing I'm grateful for: Boxing.

August 28, 2014

One thing I learned today: I should do what works best for me regardless of perceived perceptions or consequences. And I should forgive myself for making mistakes.

One thing I'm grateful for: Spontaneous plans.

August 27, 2014

One thing I learned today: I need to be WAY easier on myself.

One thing I'm grateful for: My very incredible and very supportive friends.

August 26, 2014

One thing I learned today: I need to cultivate a lot more patience with ambiguity.

One thing I'm grateful for: Friends who are listening to me ad nauseum.

August 25, 2014

One thing I learned today: Communication is NEVER bad. (THANKS Mini Shorty!!!)

One thing I'm grateful for: A day of great personal growth, risk & reward.

August 24, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Don't ever be scared to be embarrassed." -Slug

One thing I'm grateful for: A beautiful day.

August 23, 2014

One thing I learned today: Good things can happen for me.

One thing I'm grateful for: A gorgeous, long bike ride with a good friend and a little life buzz.

August 22, 2014

One thing I learned today: Life is much better when taken less seriously.

One thing I'm grateful for: Play.

August 21, 2014

One thing I learned today: This CAN be fun.

One thing I'm grateful for: My impending BATH!

August 20, 2014

One thing I learned today: Just meditate dammit.

One thing I'm grateful for: A sudden surge of motivation to get my health together.

August 19, 2014

One thing I learned today: The only thing stupider and more awful than going through caffeine withdrawal once is going through it multiple times. 6am wakeups seven days a week and water, not decaf. I'm gonna get this right.

One thing I'm grateful for: An hour in the sun.

August 18, 2014

One thing I learned today: Sleep hygiene remains elusive - must set a bedtime + routine up asap.

One thing I'm grateful for: Party lunch + plans.

August 17, 2014

One thing I learned today: Biggie is right. Every goddamn time. (So annoying.)

One thing I'm grateful for: Crying.

August 16, 2014

One thing I learned today: I am an idiot. People matter. SO much.

One thing I'm grateful for: Getting to be a part of a very important day and seeing many wonderful old friends.

August 15, 2014

One thing I learned today: I am literally now actually fully gluten intolerant. Adios wheat!

One thing I'm grateful for: A little humor tonight, thank God.

August 14, 2014

One thing I learned today: I have to put more effort into taking care of my body.

One thing I'm grateful for: A nice new addition to the clinical team!

August 13, 2014

One thing I learned today: Return.

One thing I'm grateful for: Free yoga and the knowledge of how to feel healthier tomorrow & going forward.

August 12, 2014

One thing I learned today: I've been doing humility wrong. It has little to do with comparison, and a lot to do with realizing there is always more to learn, or another way to see things - and the latter is great news.

One thing I'm grateful for: Having survived another year on this crazy planet with my crazy brain!

August 11, 2014

One thing I learned today: Don't eat after dinner. You sleep better and are hungry for breakfast.

One thing I'm grateful for: Nice hair & a relaxed demeanor.

August 10, 2014

One thing I learned today: I miss nature.

One thing I'm grateful for: Peace.

August 9, 2014

One thing I learned today: Eat clean because it FEELS good.

One thing I'm grateful for: A beautiful space.

August 8, 2014

One thing I learned today: Don't be so judgmental about cycling. Work with it.

One thing I'm grateful for: Fewer rules.

August 7, 2014

One thing I learned today: Lil' Wayne is surprisingly deep. I'm sorry for underestimating you Weezy.

One thing I'm grateful for: Good guys.

August 6, 2014

One thing I learned today: Cook it all the same day.

One thing I'm grateful for: Fresh vegetables.

August 5, 2014

One thing I learned today: Need more space & more fun.

One thing I'm grateful for: Work to do, and a good night's sleep.

August 4, 2014

One thing I've learned today: “Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” -Aristotle

One thing I'm grateful for: Biggie.

August 3, 2014

One thing I've learned today: "When it comes to your brain, it takes about five positive events to make up for one negative event."

One thing I'm grateful for: A super productive day & supremely organized closet.

August 2, 2014

One thing I learned today: When you're both the prisoner and the warden, I'm not sure if breaking out is harder or easier.

One thing I'm grateful for: Sangha.

August 1, 2014

One thing I learned today: It is really very worth it to get up early, workout & dress up.

One thing I'm grateful for: An interesting task at work!

July 31, 2014

One thing I learned today: Self-compassion is more valuable than self-esteem.

One thing I'm grateful for: Waking up with a purring furball on me. :)

July 30, 2014

One thing I learned today: Toeing the line with decaf is not worth it. Want clean energy and quality sleep once and for all.

One thing I'm grateful for: That my bed is just two T-stops away.

July 29, 2014

One thing I learned today: The people who matter will care.

One thing I'm grateful for: 30 days & 10 days!!!

July 28, 2014

One thing I learned today: May I be healed; May I be soothed; May I know I am held in the great compassion

One thing I'm grateful for: Evil G's EVICTION NOTICE!!!

July 27, 2014

One thing I learned today: Things really are changing.

One thing I'm grateful for: Contentment this morning, a furry friend & sister-wives. :)

July 26, 2014

One thing I learned today: I can break up with a part of myself if I want to. And I'm going to.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some consistent and stable on my side. And GETTING SUZIE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

July 25, 2014

One thing I learned today: My family comes from many places, in many forms.

One thing I'm grateful for: Working for someone who values camaraderie, joy and sharing.

July 24, 2014

One thing I learned today: I want to prioritize financial stability over fun. I think I'm really WANTING to become an adult.

One thing I'm grateful for: Poor friends. :P (Though I wish all of you had all the riches in the world, because you are wonderful people who deserve it. It is so nice to be able to commiserate though!)

July 23, 2014

One thing I learned today: I want a good life later more than I want an easy life now.

One thing I'm grateful for: An absolutely fabulous and uplifting email!

July 22, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Often we don't know the depth until we're underwater."

One thing I'm grateful for: THE REIGN (well, half-assed attempted reign) OF EVIL G IS OVER!!!

July 21, 2014

One thing I learned today: It takes more than a week to get over caffeine withdrawal. -__-

One thing I'm grateful for: Hydration. And that work is only 8 hours.

July 20, 2014

One thing I learned today: Crying is physically exhausting.

One thing I'm grateful for: Friends who have walked the same path.

July 19, 2014

One thing I learned today: I want so, so much more than I ever thought, and it's kind of awful.

One thing I'm grateful for: Being invited to be part of a family for the day.

July 18, 2014

One thing I learned today: "The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time you fall." -Nelson Mandela

One thing I'm grateful for: Humor.

July 17, 2014

One thing I learned today: "For the individual, understanding the Western anti-judgmental bias is incredibly liberating: It’s OK to make personal judgments. It’s OK to decide caffeine is a drug and not a cultural ceremonial sacrament."

One thing I'm grateful for: Distraction. Reprise is good.

July 16, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Why waste time proving over and over how great you are, when you could be getting better? Why hide deficiencies instead of overcoming them? Why look for friends or partners who will just shore up your self-esteem instead of ones who will also challenge you to grow? And why seek out the tried and true, instead of experiences that will stretch you?"

One thing I'm grateful for: A Lu.

July 15, 2014

One thing I learned today: The effects of a sugar/refined carb hangover on my mood and physical well-being rival those of alcohol.

One thing I'm grateful for: Plans that don't revolve around food.

July 14, 2014

One thing I learned today: Seems that minor deviations in routine still result in major deviations in well-being. Sigh.

One thing I'm grateful for: My friends (who are as much, if not more, family as anyone who shares more of my DNA) .

July 13, 2014

One thing I learned today: I don't want to play it safe.

One thing I'm grateful for: Faux-yo.

July 12, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Love your body - the only one you've got." -B (so stretch your quads)

One thing I'm grateful for: A sober buddy for the weekend!

July 11, 2014

One thing I learned today: “If we don’t change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed.” - Chinese proverb

One thing I'm grateful for: That I pre-wrote this post for myself yesterday because I'm getting really disciplined this week. :P

July 10, 2014

One thing I learned today: Let these demons become paper tigers in the open sunlight.

One thing I'm grateful for: Momentum (though feeling like I need to cling to it a little at the moment).

July 9, 2014

One thing I learned today: Keeping things clean and organized is unbelievably worth it.

One thing I'm grateful for: That you can disable GChat. But also hoping for a hefty dose of self-control.

July 8, 2014

One thing I learned today: Keep a growth mindset. (Thanks Swimming!!!)

One thing I'm grateful for: Some delightful free fruit in clinic this morning.

July 7, 2014

One thing I learned today: Once again, getting up at 5am makes everything WAY. BETTER.

One thing I'm grateful for: The return of the early morning workout. And a health buddy. ;) (Lookin' at you, B!)

July 6, 2014

One thing I learned today: More time outside = better sleep. :)

One thing I'm grateful for: A long, full, happy weekend.

July 5, 2014

One thing I learned today: Full meals, protein & fat are my friends. Caffeine, fruit & nuts are not.

One thing I'm grateful for: A community of young meditators.

July 4, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm starting to learn how to just sit around with people and hang out. And am surprised to find I like it.

One thing I'm grateful for: Having stumbled upon a REALLY good group of people last year, and that they didn't give up on me when I fell off the face of the planet for almost a year.

July 3, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm not winning anything by pushing all these boundaries. It's time to just go to bed.

One thing I'm grateful for: An answer I've been looking for for almost two years now. I am SO unbelievably grateful.

July 2, 2014

One thing I learned today: Thank god for humor. And fun travel plans.

One thing I'm grateful for: "Defeat comes not from failing but from giving up."

July 1, 2014

One thing I learned today: "I'm not going to leave this competition." -JaJa, SYTYCD

One thing I'm grateful for: My bicycle!

June 30, 2014

One thing I learned today: Trust yourself and your decisions, even when everyone around you is doing everything differently.

One thing I'm grateful for: That tomorrow is a new day, and a new month.

June 29, 2014

One thing I learned today:

One thing I'm grateful for: Good friends, good food and good fun.

June 28, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Life is just... you just have to not fucking freak out about it every day." Eloquently stated B. Preach, girl.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some amazing upcoming travel plans. ;)

June 27, 2014

One thing I learned today: So much of what I thought I didn't want, I just thought I couldn't have. Daring to want a little bit more now.

One thing I'm grateful for: Life.

June 26, 2014

One thing I learned today: Time to harness the good old OCD again. ;)

One thing I'm grateful for: "To feel your heart race over something it wants rather than something it fears is such sweet revery."

June 25, 2014

One thing I learned today: Be careful not to fall into old patterns just because you're feeling good.

One thing I'm grateful for: I decided that this doesn't have to be so hard. Simple doesn't mean easy, but when it clicks it clicks.

June 24, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm not going to be hiding from ANYTHING.

One thing I'm grateful for: That at least someone is optimistic on my behalf!

June 23, 2014

One thing I learned today: Most things I dread don't turn out to be that hard.

One thing I'm grateful for: Openness.

June 22, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Everyone has a physician inside him or her; we just have to help it in its work. The natural healing force within each one of us is the greatest force in getting well. Our food should be our medicine. Our medicine should be our food. But to eat when you are sick is to feed your sickness." -Hippocrates

One thing I'm grateful for: A warning about falling back into old patterns.

June 21, 2014

One thing I learned today: I need to find some older crowds.

One thing I'm grateful for: A reminder to set established limits.

July 20, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm not going to give up fighting for myself, and I don't have to do it alone.

One thing I'm grateful for: Real, genuine motivation. And the best guide I could hope for.

July 19, 2014

One thing I learned today: Still very able to carry a convo singlehandedly. Still not fun.

One thing I'm grateful for: FUN, smart, witty friends.

June 18, 2014

One thing I learned today: When life gives you a boot... ask your Hood Queen coworker how to trick it out.

One thing I'm grateful for: Das boot.

June 17, 2014

One thing I learned today: I need a boot. But it's ok, I think I can be a little more patient than I thought.

One thing I'm grateful for: Biking biking biking!

June 16, 2014

One thing I learned today: Recovering from suffering is not like recovering from a disease. Many people don’t come out healed; they come out different.

One thing I'm grateful for: Not one thing, but two people - Swimming & Biggie!

June 15, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm handier and more resourceful than I thought. But I still overreact to injuries big time. Not happy right now. :(

One thing I'm grateful for: My bike.

June 14, 2014

One thing I learned today: Fuck fear.

One thing I'm grateful for: The very best clinician ever.

June 13, 2014

One thing I learned today: It feels much healthier to be productive.

One thing I'm grateful for: Work to do.

June 12, 2014

One thing I learned today: I've had my bike gears backwards this whole time. No wonder my chain keeps falling off.

One thing I'm grateful for: It feels SO good to be both productive and excited about my life again. Soooo so so good.

June 11, 2014

One thing I learned today: I need to be a hell of a lot more efficient in the mornings, or get up way earlier.

One thing I'm grateful for: Good coworkers.

June 10, 2014

One thing I learned today: This actually is going to be a little tough.

One thing I'm grateful for: A warm welcome back.

June 9, 2014

One thing I learned today: I still don't know if moderation is worth it to me.

One thing I'm grateful for: Knowing I have someone I can count on no matter what.

June 8, 2014

One thing I learned today: I can't get carried away with small successes. I still need rules and guidelines.

One thing I'm grateful for: A sudden upsurge in motivation. (And a beautiful day at the beach!)

June 7, 2014

One thing I learned today: I still hate making small talk.

One thing I'm grateful for: An eye-opening experience.

June 6, 2014

One thing I learned today: A tired brain is a tricky brain. And caffeine actually does make me feel like crap too. Who knew?

One thing I'm grateful for: That doubts help strengthen resolve.

June 5, 2014

One thing I learned today: I have to change.

One thing I'm grateful for: Friends who made me feel better today.

June 4, 2014

One thing I learned today: I don't like scars anymore. I want them gone. All of them.

One thing I'm grateful for: Un amigo divertido que habla español!

June 3, 2014

One thing I learned today: Ancient warrior yoga. (But actually.)

One thing I'm grateful for: Craving water when I woke up.

June 2, 2014

One thing I learned today: How to actually do crow!

One thing I'm grateful for: Whiteboards. All the whiteboards.

June 1, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Just because someone stumbles, loses their way, it doesn't mean they're lost forever. Sometimes, we all need a little help."

One thing I'm grateful for: Fellow sugar addicts who understand!

May 31, 2014

One thing I learned today: Cambridge cops are pretty nice!

One thing I'm grateful for: A reminder of who I am through seeing my reflection in two friends.

May 30, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm confused.

One thing I'm grateful for: Encouragement.

May 29, 2014

One thing I learned today: Spanish!

One thing I'm grateful for: Pork chop!

May 28, 2014

One thing I learned today: I can demonize whatever I want to if it helps me stay away.

One thing I'm grateful for: Realizing once again to listen only to reputable sources for advice (in the case of nutrition, namely myself).

May 27, 2014

One thing I learned today: I am lonely.

One thing I'm grateful for: Help.

May 26, 2014

One thing I learned today: Being positive all the time is bullshit. And not healthy either.

One thing I'm grateful for: An early morning ride.

May 25, 2014

One thing I learned today: Nutrition labels don't include a % daily recommended value for sugar in products - the food industry lobby managed to block the requirement, since it would nearly always be well over 100% in most packaged foods.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some political and ethical motivation to eat right.

May 24, 2014

One thing I learned today: I want to start giving a crap about my appearance again.

One thing I'm grateful for: That it feels normal to be around people again.

May 23, 2014

One thing I learned today: I CAN bike around Boston!

One thing I'm grateful for: My bike.

May 22, 2014

One thing I learned today: Get haircuts more often.

One thing I'm grateful for: These brave young women. (And Dad for sharing!)

May 21, 2014

One thing I learned today: I may not be terribly unique in how I've suffered, but I can be unique in my unwavering grit and drive to change. And in my success in doing so.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some very kind unconditional acceptance.

May 20, 2014

One thing I learned today: Don't try to exercise too much when you're sugar detoxing. -__-

One thing I'm grateful for: H2O and the Internet to read about the misery of others who have gone through this.

May 19, 2014

One thing I learned today: Tackle one thing at a time for now.

One thing I'm grateful for: TIME.

May 18, 2014

One thing I learned today: Coming back from the dead is slow, hard work.

One thing I'm grateful for: Being challenged.

May 17, 2014

One thing I learned today: I DEFINITELY picked the right med school

One thing I'm grateful for: Planting some trees along the Gowanus while I dredge it. (Thanks RES!)

May 16, 2014

One thing I learned today: I will NEVER eat sugar, flour, grains or processed food again. Ever. There is no food on this planet worth this.

One thing I'm grateful for: A bad enough few days to know moderation is not an option for me.

May 15, 2014

One thing I learned today: Worrying excessively about what others will think/whether a new healthy way is sustainable/too perfectionistic/etc are all very clever ways that my brain muddles up what my heart really wants.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some love.

May 14, 2014

One thing I learned today: Early surgeons had to have been sociopaths. There was no other way.

One thing I'm grateful for: Psych friendzzzzz. And PHINNY.

May 13, 2014

One thing I learned today: Apathy is far worse than suffering.

One thing I'm grateful for: A living room turned music studio.

May 12, 2014

One thing I learned today: Starting over feels a lot easier than not giving up. But I'd rather do the latter.

One thing I'm grateful for: Growing a little more comfortable with empty time. (And all of the empty space in my room that wasn't at all challenging to grow comfortable with!)

May 11, 2014

One thing I learned today: “People who have good self-control do a number of things that bring them happiness — namely, they avoid problematic desires and conflict.”

One thing I'm grateful for: My mom. (Who, relevant to the link above, very casually taught me not to procrastinate at a very young age!)

May 10, 2014

One thing I learned today: I still don't believe anyone else is having a remotely similar experience to what I'm having.

One thing I'm grateful for: That I ran outside and it smelled and felt like the heavy side of summer today.

March 9, 2014

One thing I learned today: "I need to switch from FOMO to YOLO." -KM

One thing I'm grateful for: This wonderfully inspirational post - as per usual, what I needed to see right when I needed to see it.

March 8, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Procrastination is an effect, not a cause. [The cause is] when you temporarily forget who you are, or who you want to be. It's when you forget what you're supposed to be paying attention to, and when you lose confidence about what your options are for doing something about it."

One thing I'm grateful for: A beautiful, peaceful and content morning.

May 7, 2014

One thing I learned today: Everything is better in the mornings.

One thing I'm grateful for: A spontaneous bike ride!

May 6, 2014

One thing I learned today: Nothing like a little self-torture.

One thing I'm grateful for: Introverted friends who make me feel a lot less crazy.

May 5, 2014

One thing I learned today: I don't want to be like everyone else.

One thing I'm grateful for: The friends who inspire excellence.

May 4, 2014

One thing I learned today: I never want dogs.

One thing I'm grateful for: Getting to STOP taking care of these animals. Why are they SO DAMN EXCITED all the time?

May 3, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm still in the grip of many vices.

One thing I'm grateful for: Solitude.

May 2, 2014

One thing I learned today: "The quiet tends to tell you things: that the noise was unnecessary. That the other antelope don't know what they're doing either. That we're all running in a pack, headed mindlessly wherever the pack takes us, without deliberation or conscious direction."

One thing I'm grateful for: Remember that it is more than just ok to be different.

May 1, 2014

One thing I learned today: Do everything earlier. Procrastination is NEVER your friend.

One thing I'm grateful for: New month, new resolve. Keep moving forward.

April 30, 2014

One thing I learned today: You will always have to fight the rainy days.

One thing I'm grateful for: New canine pals. LITTLE PIPSQUEAKS!

April 29, 2014

One thing I learned today: This is harder than I thought.

One thing I'm grateful for: My social planner. (And Aziz!)

April 28, 2014

One thing I learned today: "It’s important to push ourselves out of our comfort zones. Otherwise we’d never do anything. But it’s also important to make sure we’re going for something that we do want and not just fighting against our natural way of being for the sake of it."

One thing I'm grateful for: Veggies.

April 27, 2014

One thing I learned today: Stick to your routine.

One thing I'm grateful for: Friends who steer me right.

April 26, 2014

One thing I learned today: I guess naps aren't all that bad.

One thing I'm grateful for: Nothing beats a good prank. ;)

April 25, 2014

One thing I learned today: "We get out of the box by stepping into shackles."

One thing I'm grateful for: Rituals.

April 24, 2014

One thing I learned today: It was silly to be so scared about taking time off.

One thing I'm grateful for: The opportunity to take an extended time off to get healthy. EVERYONE should get this.

April 23, 2014

One thing I learned today: I can see how this might work out in the long run.

One thing I'm grateful for: I couldn't ask for a better, more supportive boss. And in general, I work with some truly impressive human beings.

April 22, 2014

One thing I learned today: Whether it's this summer or next, I will miss this job far more than I expected when I leave.

One thing I'm grateful for: Getting to see one of my favorite patients today.

April 21, 2014

One thing I learned today: I remembered just how much I LOVE cleaning and throwing things away!

One thing I'm grateful for: My newly organized desk space!

April 20, 2014

One thing I learned today: I do care, and I'm very sad about what's happened.

One thing I'm grateful for: Waking up - as intense as that is.

April 19, 2014

One thing I learned today: Woahhhh may have swung too far in the other direction.

One thing I'm grateful for: What that feels like - enjoying it for today at least.

April 18, 2014

One thing I learned today: Don't phone it in with Biggie. You don't get much that way.

One thing I'm grateful for: Permission to go full OCD. #healthbender2014 is on. (...in a week)

April 17, 2014

One thing I learned today: Sleep, you are one tricky mofo.

One thing I'm grateful for: Getting a sense of what manipulating my sleep can do.

April 16, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Let these demons become paper tigers in the open sunlight."

One thing I'm grateful for: An environment where I can do that. I think I've taken that for granted a little bit - I've been very lucky.

April 15, 2014

One thing I learned today: "In many ways, a person who has emerged from the grip of depression has just passed the most severe of trials in the human experience. If we acknowledge that surviving depression requires a special toughness, we will see not see formerly depressed people as a broken legion, but as a resource who can teach us all about overcoming adversity."

One thing I'm grateful for: A little (albeit jittery) boost.

April 14, 2014

One thing I learned today: It's not an easy road ahead.

One thing I'm grateful for: Someone who shares my VERY dark sense of humor.

April 13, 2014

One thing I learned today: Don't overdo it right now.

One thing I'm grateful for: Catching up with a very good friend.

April 12, 2014

One thing I learned today: End goals are overrated.

One thing I'm grateful for: Friends to talk to.

April 11, 2014

One thing I learned today: I've been afraid of the wrong thing all this time.

One thing I'm grateful for: Walkin' & talkin'.

April 10, 2014

One thing I learned today: I was not prepared to deal with the realities of today.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some straight talk.

April 9, 2014

One thing I learned today: I have a massive B12 deficiency and my adrenals are totally kicked. No wonder I've been so exhausted!

One thing I'm grateful for: Some new information that will help me improve my health.

April 8, 2014

One thing I learned today: Don't listen to people who don't have any clear, direct evidence to back up their advice. Even well-intentioned fear mongering is still fear mongering.

One thing I'm grateful for: Seeing patients.

April 7, 2014

One thing I learned today: Don't build up too much activity too quickly.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some productivity at work today.

April 6, 2014

One thing I learned today: To everyone who told me that life is just hard, that I was just focusing on my problems too much, that I just needed to think positively, who invalidated the fact that I have been dealing with something very real and very serious - a giant fuck you. I'm done making excuses for people who don't understand. It's not my job to be understanding of your ignorance. It's your job to learn more. And for those reasons, I refuse to censor myself. Tough shit if it makes you uncomfortable. You are the reason stigma exists and your words are not innocuous. They are dangerous.

One thing I'm grateful for: That I woke up angry today. And for the motivation those I refer to above have provided me, because there are few things I love more in this world than proving people wrong.

April 5, 2014

One thing I learned today: Acceptance is hard.

One thing I'm grateful for: "Then we are friend - we must overcome." -TH

April 4, 2014

One thing I learned today: This is ridiculous. Literally ridiculous.

One thing I'm grateful for: Lil Shorty x1,000,000. Sole voice of reason today.

April 3, 2014

One thing I learned today: Apparently no one has answers for me, since nobody likes to talk about this. Everyone is covering their asses, which means we can never collectively remove the fear of being affected by stigma.

One thing I'm grateful for: Determination, even if it's backed by very little energy right now.

April 2, 2014

One thing I learned today: Things won't improve until I take a real break.

One thing I'm grateful for: A friend going out of her way to help me right now. I can't thank her enough.

April 1, 2014

One thing I learned today: I need to show myself the same courtesy and kindness I would give patients.

One thing I'm grateful for: The incredibly good fortune to work for someone with compassion and understanding.

March 31, 2014

One thing I learned today: Literally EVERYONE loves AK.

One thing I'm grateful for: Biggie Shorty.

March 30, 2014

One thing I learned today: Don't skip laundry.

One thing I'm grateful for: A couple of laughs.

March 29, 2014

One thing I learned today: Get out and about.

One thing I'm grateful for: Time to take care of myself on the weekend.

March 28, 2014

One thing I learned today: There's no more faking it.

One thing I'm grateful for: Having written something.

March 27, 2014

One thing I learned today: "It is no measure of good health to be adjusted to a sick society."

One thing I'm grateful for: Depression.

March 26, 2014

One thing I learned today: I will REALLY miss this place if I have to leave. And I am more afraid of change than I've been admitting.

One thing I'm grateful for: Art.

March 25, 2014

One thing I learned today: The body can be like a child throwing a tantrum. Trying to be a good parent and not just appease it.

One thing I'm grateful for: Time to go to bed early.

March 24, 2014

One thing I learned today: Be competitive. Because you can usually win.

One thing I'm grateful for: Acupuncture.

March 23, 2014

One thing I learned today: I think it's ok, and possibly necessary, to hunker down for awhile.

One thing I'm grateful for: A nearby place of refuge and healing.

March 22, 2014

One thing I learned today: It's still hard and was a real problem.

One thing I'm grateful for: Resting when I needed to.

March 21, 2014

One thing I've learned today: I have the right people in my corner.

One thing I'm grateful for: A trusting and trusted friend.

March 20, 2014

One thing I learned today: I'm not in control. Of anything really.

One thing I'm grateful for: Help.

March 19, 2014

One thing I learned today: "You don’t get stressed, you do stressed. If I were to ask you what a stressed person looks like, you’d easily be able to mimic his or her physiology. When we start to feel stressed, we do certain things with our bodies: frowning, shallow breathing, muscle tensing, etc. Once you become aware of your stressed physiological state, you can change your physiology—the way you move your body—to become unstressed. Sure, nearly everyone feels stressed these days, but I am significantly less stressed than I’ve ever been, because I make an effort to be aware of my triggers and change my physical movements accordingly. When I feel overwhelmed, I’ll change my breathing pattern, I’ll take a walk, I’ll exercise, I’ll look in the mirror with a big grin, or I’ll make sure no one’s looking and I’ll jump up and down like a crazy person—anything to get me out of that stressed state."

One thing I'm grateful for: Yoga.

March 18, 2014

One thing I learned today: It can't get much worse than this, so just shift the suffering.

One thing I'm grateful for: Seeing value in pain.

March 17, 2014

One thing I learned today: It can't get much worse than this, so just shift the suffering.

One thing I'm grateful for: Seeing value in pain.

March 16, 2014

One thing I learned today: So few people know what I'm really all about.

One thing I'm grateful for: An hour of vipassana. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

March 15, 2014

One thing I learned today: "I hear and I forget; I see and I remember; I do and I understand." -Confucius

One thing I'm grateful for: Letting go of all that which does not serve me without guilt.

March 14, 2014

One thing I learned today: That apparently not a lot of random community members go to all day academic conferences just for funzies?

One thing I'm grateful for: Learning for the sake of learning.

March 13, 2014

One thing I learned today: You are not as alone in your thoughts/ways as you believed!

One thing I'm grateful for: Meeting the Santa Claus of yoga.

March 12, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Be a shark: move forward. eat your enemies. feel no pain. grow new teeth." -DS, always the giver of sound advice

One thing I'm grateful for: The kindest law librarian on the internet!

March 11, 2014

One thing I learned today: Make space.

One thing I'm grateful for: An incredibly understanding boss.

March 10, 2014

One thing I learned today: Caffeine withdrawal is REALLY REAL.

One thing I'm grateful for: A fun bevy of lab tests!

March 9, 2014

One thing I learned today: Bouldering is harder than it looks!

One thing I'm grateful for: Saying screw it for a day.

March 8, 2014

One thing I learned today: I need to figure out ways to build more relaxation into my life.

One thing I'm grateful for: Friends and colors and music.

March 7, 2014

One thing I learned today: People do care.

One thing I'm grateful for: A full hour of meditation.

March 6, 2014

One thing I learned today: Limiting beliefs are self-imposed.

One thing I'm grateful for: Finding POLAR SELZER in the caf today. Aww yeahhh.

March 5, 2014

One thing I learned today: When you get out of the woods, KEEP RUNNING.

One thing I'm grateful for: The first inklings of clarity of thought, of energy, of ability to work, of ideas. And that the second line of these blog posts is getting easier to write.

March 4, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Symptoms" DON'T have to be separate from my identity and who I am, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

One thing I'm grateful for: Lil' Shorty.

March 3, 2014

One thing I learned today: Bringing myself down to others' levels is too high a price to pay just to not be alone. Rising to the top.

EDIT (11/1/14) - I am embarrassed to have written this. Again, in a moment of great suffering I was grasping for rhyme or reason as to why I had to suffer more than others. I am continuously trying to work on freeing myself from this habit.

One thing I'm grateful for: The wisdom of those who have already traversed my path.

March 2, 2014

One thing I learned today: Of course you reserve the right to protect your own interests by distancing yourself from me when I'm suffering, but in doing so, you lose the right to ever call yourself my friend.

One thing I'm grateful for: Being emotionally and intellectually intelligent enough to truly understand psychology - and perhaps more importantly, the ability to recognize what I don't understand and need to learn more about. Those who lack the latter are perhaps the most dangerous of all.

March 1, 2014

One thing I learned today: "When people show you who they are, believe it." -Oprah (Thank you, Swimming, for alerting me to these wise words!)

One thing I'm grateful for: The many friends in my life who have made clear to me that I am NOT a burden.

February 28, 2014

One thing I learned today: Have a little faith.

One thing I'm grateful for: 50 (cent and other things)

February 27, 2014

One thing I learned today: Time for some spring cleaning.

One thing I'm grateful for: Real friends.

February 26, 2014

One thing I learned today: We have 20,000 opportunities a day to connect with our aliveness.

One thing I'm grateful for: Breath.

February 25, 2014

One thing I learned today: As per usual, my intuition is correct and I need to do what I know works for me, and I know more about the reasons why than 99% of the people I talk to. Only get advice from expert professionals who are at least as smart as you are.

One thing I'm grateful for: A friend at my level.

February 24, 2014

One thing I learned today: I do not have what I thought I had all these years.

One thing I'm grateful for: I think I've met my clinical match!

February 23, 2014

One thing I learned today: Routine is ESSENTIAL.

One thing I'm grateful for: Kindred spirits.

February 22, 2014

One thing I learned today: Getting out of the house as early as possible on a weekend day is good for me.

One thing I'm grateful for: A friend willing to go to educational events!

February 21, 2014

One thing I learned today: Food GREATLY affects my cognition. Holy crap. I'm about 5,000x dumber on wheat/grains.

One thing I'm grateful for: Motown.

February 20, 2014

One thing I learned today: People aren't scary.

One thing I'm grateful for: Tonight a relative stranger openly told me about a deeply personal family problem. Little did he know, it was exactly the reminder I needed to stay on course at a time when I was feeling weak. The universe works in strange ways.

February 19, 2014

One thing I learned today: Do everything you know you need to do and don't question it.

One thing I'm grateful for: "I used to think I was the strangest person in the world, but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it's trust I'm here, and I'm just as strange as you." -Frida Kahlo

I think you know who you are.

A Resolution

When I am feeling hopeful, when I am feeling optimistic, when I am feeling strong - I will write. I've been documenting pain more than anything else, and it's time to stop giving it so much power.

February 18, 2014

One thing I learned today: Ladies got my back.

One thing I'm grateful for: This.

February 17, 2014

One thing I learned today: STOP starting over. Take off.

One thing I'm grateful for: Small pockets of contentedness.

February 16, 2014

One thing I learned today: The mind and body are NOT separate. Not that I didn't already know this, but it never hurts to be reminded.

One thing I'm grateful for: Strong motivation to change.

February 15, 2014

One thing I learned today: There is no shame in healing.

One thing I'm grateful for: Dipping my toes back into music.

February 14, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Do beautiful things and relax."

One thing I'm grateful for: A better outlook.

February 13, 2014

One thing I learned today: Take the advice of laypeople with a (big) grain of salt.

One thing I'm grateful for: I got a pair of binoculars today.

February 12, 2014

One thing I learned today: Write.

One thing I'm grateful for: Chemistry.

February 11, 2014

One thing I learned today: Sometimes giving up hope is a good thing.

One thing I'm grateful for: Sun.

February 10, 2014

One thing I learned today: The brain is very adept at making us believe what we want to believe.

One thing I'm grateful for: The times I laughed today.

February 9, 2014

One thing I learned today: I need to stop pretending I'm ok.

One thing I'm grateful for: A small peep from my old voice.

February 8, 2014

One thing I learned today: I need to better speak up for and honor my own needs

One thing I'm grateful for: For as much as I complain about/hate texting as a form of communication, it afforded me small lifelines of support tonight.

February 7, 2014

One thing I learned today: Even if you feel awful, you can try to let a little bit of light in.

One thing I'm grateful for: A second medical opinion.

February 6, 2014

One thing I learned today: Good God, this is going to be hard.

One thing I'm grateful for: Being called out.

February 5, 2014

One thing I learned today: You CANNOT be afraid to be who you are.

One thing I'm grateful for: A sense of humor.

February 4, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Life is good. We just have to get away from dumb people." -FBLBN Co-Chief

One thing I'm grateful for: My crazy, sometimes abusive, but absolutely brilliant brain.

February 3, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet." -Tich Nhat Hanh

One thing I'm grateful for: Quiet mornings.

February 2, 2014

One thing I learned today: Change is hard.

One thing I'm grateful for: Whatever stability I do have.

February 1, 2014

One thing I learned today: Once a musician, always a musician.

One thing I'm grateful for: Real food.

January 31, 2014

One thing I learned today: Leave before you REALLY want to leave.

One thing I'm grateful for: An opportunity to heal.

January 30, 2014

One thing I learned today: Time to start slaying this anxiety with everything I've got.

One thing I'm grateful for: Personal training!

January 29, 2014

One thing I learned today: Don't skip meals, and don't have caffeine.

One thing I'm grateful for: An ever better understanding of my own metabolism.

January 28, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Privilege is when you think something is not a problem because it's not a problem for you personally." -David Gaider

One thing I'm grateful for: Finally achieving a goal I've been working towards for the last 5 years!

January 27, 2014

One thing I learned today: "Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels."

One thing I'm grateful for: Morning workouts.

January 26, 2014

One thing I learned today: I have a LOT of work to do dealing with downtime.

One thing I'm grateful for:

January 25, 2014

One thing I learned today: It's ok to take time to be alone.

One thing I'm grateful for: Friends who don't give up on me when I do so.

January 24, 2014

One thing I learned today: "You can't let life run you." -a patient, who also happens to be a Very Cool Guy

One thing I'm grateful for: The ability to write.

January 23, 2014

One thing I learned today: I have flawless pushup form.

One thing I'm grateful for: An amazing referral.

January 22, 2014

One thing I learned today: “Idleness is not just a vacation, an indulgence or a vice. It is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived of it we suffer a mental affliction as disfiguring as rickets. The space and quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from life and seeing it whole, for making unexpected connections and waiting for the wild summer lightning strikes of inspiration — it is, paradoxically, necessary to getting any work done.” -Tim Kreider

One thing I'm grateful for: A truly inspiring patient who offered some great perspective, and with whom I have far more in common than he realizes, I'm sure.