December 30, 2015

One thing I learned today: Disappointment in self will only dig a deeper hole. No need to make this be more than what it is.

One thing I'm grateful for: 24 hours

October 3, 2015

Today was a hard day.

Four and a half hours of sleep were not enough to prepare me to see her face. Her hand, frozen in a position ripe for holding. Her hand moving toward my face as my labmate raised her arm to make way for his scalpel. I sliced off her breast and put it in a plastic bag to save for later. It felt wrong to toss the other in the waste bin, to separate the two. Later, in the shower, I would look down at my own breasts and imagine them being cut away, now knowing what they looked like inside.

Four and a half hours were not enough.

Spent the evening with warm, loving people. But when I close my eyes I see fascia. The split tree trunk on the side of the road is the long and lateral heads of the triceps brachii. And every time someone passes me a dish at the dinner table tonight, I see her hand.

September 22, 2015

One thing I learned today: It's game on. Not looking forward to this.

One thing I'm grateful for: School.

September 21, 2015

One thing I learned today: Still lonely.

One thing I'm grateful for: Thank god my hair grows quickly. Now just how to find a better hairdresser...

September 20, 2015

One thing I learned today: "Go out by yourself and do something ridiculous. The only way to break out of the box of the mundane and monotony. Practice taking yourself out and try striking up a convo with ten different strangers. 9 people might brush you off and thats totally fine, and the tenth person might end up becoming your best friend. Who knows. But go out there. Put on a picachu hat and sit in the middle of a bar if you have to, as long as by the end of the day you can go home feeling really good, knowing you did something absolutely ridiculous."   - Bill Clinton, 1994

One thing I'm grateful for: Not being alone. 

September 19, 2015

One thing I learned today: Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

One thing I'm grateful for: My potentially 4th sugar-free day in a row.

September 18, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm in good hands.

One thing I'm grateful for: Having to write an essay.

September 17, 2015

One thing I learned today: Breaks are glorious.

One thing I'm grateful for: Spirit friends.

September 16, 2015

One thing I learned today: Gluten depresses mood. A lot.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some laughs in TBL.

September 15, 2015

One thing I learned today: Still hate genetics.

One thing I'm grateful for: Relating.

September 14, 2015

One thing I learned today: Apparently completely revamping my study habits and busting my ass nets me 3 points. -__-

One thing I'm grateful for: Silliness. And chocolate.

September 13, 2015

One thing I learned today: Still got it in boxing!

One thing I'm grateful for: My new 50-year-old brahs.

September 12, 2015

One thing I learned today: It's better together.

One thing I'm grateful for: A secession.

September 11, 2015

One thing I learned today: I need to work harder to fit exercise in, but it's ok today because I have a cold.

One thing I'm grateful for: Friday night study buddies.

September 10, 2015

One thing I learned today: Things are better with people. Seems like it should be obvious by now, but I can't be reminded enough.

One thing I'm grateful for: My PCR group & Hyunsoo for being hilarious.

September 9, 2015

One thing I learned today: This is a good way to be spending my time. I'm lucky.

One thing I'm grateful for: My new psychiatrist. (But I'll always love you Lil' Shorty.)

September 8, 2015

One thing I learned today: This is a good way to be spending my time. I'm lucky.

One thing I'm grateful for: A response. And school.

September 7, 2015

One thing I learned today: I need to have both feet here.

One thing I'm grateful for: Being thrown a rare bone last night.

August 31, 2015

One thing I learned today: WWAD time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One thing I'm grateful for: Ear plugs.

August 30, 2015

One thing I learned today: If you put something off in med school, there's no time to come back to it. So apologies for the gap in posts!

One thing I'm grateful for: That I took the time to cook healthy food for myself and clean my room, even though I didn't feel like I could.

August 19, 2015

One thing I learned today: P=MD is gonna be my new motto.

One thing I'm grateful for: That I have a good feeling about my new psychiatrist. Lil' Shorty, you'll always be the OG, but I'll be well taken care of in Vermont.

August 18, 2015

One thing I learned today: Just get outta bed & outta there!

One thing I'm grateful for: Hospitals. My preferred study location since 2011.

August 17, 2015

One thing I learned today: Oh right. The premed mentality prevails... :-/

One thing I'm grateful for: The chill ones hiding here and there.

August 16, 2015

One thing I learned today: Don't try so hard.

One thing I'm grateful for: Boxing.

August 15, 2015

One thing I learned today: What goes up must come down.

One thing I'm grateful for: Other introverts.

August 14, 2015

One thing I learned today: I want life to be strange and wonderful and surprising. I don't want to know what's going to happen.

One thing I'm grateful for: Medical school.

August 13, 2015

One thing I learned today: It is soooo, so tempting to swing higher and higher.

One thing I'm grateful for: New friends.

August 12, 2015

One thing I learned today: Definitely still have a hard time with people.

One thing I'm grateful for: Unexpected time off.

August 11, 1986

One thing I learned today: Stay open minded. Listen better.

One thing I'm grateful for: Vulnerability and safe space.

August 10, 2015

One thing I learned today: Still an introvert.

One thing I'm grateful for: My fellow introverts.

August 9, 2015

One thing I learned today: Less sleep/more caffeine = symptoms. No way around it. :-/

One thing I'm grateful for: Reassurance.

August 8, 2015

One thing I learned today: Less sleep/more caffeine = symptoms. No way around it. :-/

One thing I'm grateful for: Reassurance.

August 7, 2015

One thing I learned today: Holy shit I miss Biggie. He is truly irreplaceable. But I'm not going to give up on finding someone great here.

One thing I'm grateful for: Everything else happening in my life right now. :)

August 6, 2015

One thing I learned today: Not everyone in Vermont is a gem. Oh well...

One thing I'm grateful for: Classmates. :)

August 5, 2015

One thing I learned today: When stressed, box.

One thing I'm grateful for: Biological, metaphorical antabuse.

August 4, 2015

One thing I learned today: I really don't get any of the fun parts of this deal. :-/

One thing I'm grateful for: A pretty productive day & some reassurance.

August 3, 2015

One thing I learned today: Owning a car is stressful. :(

One thing I'm grateful for: Meeting some new classmates! And the lifting of the email ban... :)

August 2, 2015

One thing I learned today: Forgot how this can turn on a dime. Every time I get too giddy, it snaps me back.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some serious dog time today.

August 1, 2015

One thing I learned today: Goddammit SLEEP!

One thing I'm grateful for: Almost a full day spent outdoors.

July 31, 2015

One thing I learned today: More about boxing in 90 minutes than all my previous experience combined.

One thing I'm grateful for: A warm welcome and an AMAZING boxing session.

July 30, 2015

One thing I learned today: Things need to be finely tuned. Seems a little disorganization, dietary digression & mental obsession can alter the course fairly quickly. A little nervous for what's to come.

One thing I'm grateful for: An excellent patient experience at UVM Medical Center!

July 29, 2015

One thing I learned today: Demons follow you wherever you go.

One thing I'm grateful for: A beautiful Vermont day complete with some beach time & a meditation group.

July 28, 2015

One thing I learned today: You can be homesick for a place you didn't love.

One thing I'm grateful for: A lot of texts from my people.  

July 27, 2015

One thing I learned today: I sleep like a baby in Vermont. (Well, knock on wood - check back on that once school starts.)

One thing I'm grateful for: Sleep.

July 26, 2015

One thing I learned today: Moving takes a lot out of me. Patience is important right now.

One thing I'm grateful for: My new whip.

July 25, 2015

One thing I learned today: Vermont is as magical as ever. But I can't fuck with sleep.

One thing I'm grateful for: My new home.

July 24, 2015

One thing I learned today: Last days of work are super fun.

One thing I'm grateful for: That I got to spend a year and a half talking to the kindest, toughest, most caring person I've ever met, and that he told me it was gonna be ok. Thank you for taking care of me.

July 23, 2015

One thing I learned today: EAT BREAKFAST. Even if you are not hungry from working out.

One thing I'm grateful for: A fellow sugar-fighter. 

July 22, 2015

One thing I learned today: It's ok that my jab is a little weak.

One thing I'm grateful for: Sobriety.

July 21, 2015

One thing I learned today: Working out for 2 hours is almost twice as hard as 1.

One thing I'm grateful for: My favorite doctor.

July 20, 2015

One thing I learned today: Need to fine tune.

One thing I'm grateful for: Workouts.

July 19, 2015

One thing I learned today: Still a carb addict. -__-

One thing I'm grateful for: When my friends try to keep me in line, even if I'm annoyed about it in the moment.

July 18, 2015

One thing I learned today: I NEVER regret showing up to the gym.

One thing I'm grateful for: Soulmate friends.

July 17, 2015

One thing I learned today: Get back to the die-hard workout mentality. It's worth it.

One thing I'm grateful for: The past year. It was the absolute worst, in the absolute very best ways.

July 16, 2015

One thing I learned today: People who judge others who choose to abstain from certain types of foods are assholes. People who judge others' diets in general are assholes. Food is fuel. Food is medicine. Food should not be fetishized.

One thing I'm grateful for: Those who actually understand nutritional science. And who respect others' choices in regard to their own health.

July 15, 2015

One thing I learned today: Exceptions are not worth it. Ever.

One thing I'm grateful for: Boxing. Discipline. Ink. Sweat. Baby Foot.

July 14, 2015

One thing I learned today: People who are judgmental about the way other people eat SUCK.

One thing I'm grateful for: Inspiration to give up sugar.

July 13, 2015

One thing I learned today: Routine is good.

One thing I'm grateful for: People who get me.

July 12, 2015

One thing I learned today: Banter is important.

One thing I'm grateful for: My male twin.

July 11, 2015

One thing I learned today: All-you-can-eat is not for me.

One thing I'm grateful for: My friends.

July 10, 2015

One thing I learned today: Don't ever stop boxing. Or working out in general. Biggest mistake I've made in the last few years.

One thing I'm grateful for: New threads, new boots, new tunes.

July 9, 2015

One thing I learned: Phone needs to be on airplane more. Also noises while I'm trying to sleep are in my top 5 irritants. -____-

One thing I'm grateful for: bpconnect

July 8, 2015

One thing I learned today: Don't stop boxing.

One thing I'm grateful for: Routine.

July 7, 2015

One thing I learned today: Just do the next best thing.

One thing I'm grateful for: Li2CO3

July 6, 2015

One thing I learned today: I want my self-sufficiency back.

One thing I'm grateful for: Sources of inspiration.

The song "Lifted Up" by Passion Pit.

Looking at my old journals, and instead of lamenting that I've been trying over and over to get it right for over 5 years now, realizing that it's actually amazing I haven't given up.

Being out and about at 6am on the quiet streets, knowing the whole day is stretched before me with possibility.

My best friend, who accepts her flaws with humility and genuinely works to grow - she inspires me to do the same.

My boss, who when rounding on patients doesn't stand at the foot of their bed like the other doctors, but crouches next to them, holding their hands.

My patients, who stay clean or try time and time again to do so despite all odds. 

The life story of Abraham Lincoln, who battled severe depression. 

The hospital bracelets hanging on my wall from the last time I drank and my first psych hospitalization. They serve as reminders not to tread backwards, but also of how far I've come. 

All of you.

July 5, 2015

One thing I learned today: "No one is responsible for your own self-care but you."

One thing I'm grateful for: The will to try harder. A kick in the pants.

July 4, 2015

One thing I learned today: WJEFOWIJfiejaf;oiw. Sleep hygiene! Back to basics again.

One thing I'm grateful for: Three days clean.

July 3, 2015

One thing I learned today: Med are not optional, unfortunately.

One thing I'm grateful for: Digging out today.

July 2, 2015

One thing I learned today: People care.

One thing I'm grateful for: A comical reminder in the form of a dream.

July 1, 2015

One thing I learned today: We are all connected.

One thing I'm grateful for: A great friend.

June 30, 2015

One thing I learned today: It's SO much easier to regress than move forward. Quite unfair.

One thing I'm grateful for: Confessing.

June 29, 2015

One thing I learned today: There's no room for error. I can't do this with sleep. I can't drink caffeine. I can't mess with diet. I need to STOP.

One thing I'm grateful for: A cocoon, even though I shouldn't be in it.

June 28, 2015

One thing I learned today: Holy crap sleep is important. I've lost any desire to do overnights.

One thing I'm grateful for: The amazing people I met last night.

June 27, 2015

One thing I learned today: The heart follows the gaze.

One thing I'm grateful for: Feeling good about myself today.

June 26, 2015

One thing I learned today: I am a badass warrior princess.

One thing I'm grateful for: RAAAWWWWRRR.

June 25, 2015

One thing I learned today: It wouldn't be good for my patients to hang on to regret, self-loathing, comparison to others and an identity based around suffering and adversity. It's not good for me either, and you can't pull anyone else out of the fire if you're burning.

One thing I'm grateful for: The infuriating relentlessness of a certain therapist.

June 24, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm lucky to be alive.

One thing I'm grateful for: My newly discovered male twin!

June 23, 2015

One thing I learned today: Loneliness is the worst sickness.

One thing I'm grateful for: Friends.

June 22, 2015

One thing I learned today: "You'll wish you had fought more your whole life."

One thing I'm grateful for: Distraction.

June 21, 2015

One thing I learned today: Today sadness is my object.

One thing I'm grateful for: Pain.

June 20, 2015

One thing I learned today: I NEED people.

One thing I'm grateful for: Yuri Choi!

June 19, 2015

One thing I learned today: This is officially war.

One thing I'm grateful for: Having a calling.

June 18, 2015

One thing I learned today: Keto adapting makes me TIRED.

One thing I'm grateful for: A cuddly bed.

June 17, 2015

One thing I learned today: Time to put the computer away indefinitely again.

One thing I'm grateful for: Charts.

June 16, 2015

One thing I learned today: I need to quit carbs. Permanently.

One thing I'm grateful for: My nubby foot massage ball.

June 15, 2015

One thing I learned today: Sleep makes such a difference. Hurting today.

One thing I'm grateful for: Sports tape, as crappy as my current roll is.

June 14, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm in great company.

One thing I'm grateful for:
 Cleaning house. Can't wait to do more. Also for an academic inspiration, who I know will crush her boards tomorrow. :)

June 13, 2015

One thing I learned today: Life without caffeine is much sweeter.

One thing I'm grateful for: Three hours on a grassy lawn in the sun.

June 12, 2015

One thing I learned today: Still hate shopping.

One thing I'm grateful for: Marc.

June 11, 2015

One thing I learned today: I am loved.

One thing I'm grateful for: Feeling healthy and proud of myself.

June 10, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm tired of standing at the bottom of Everest. It's lost its novelty. Don't stop climbing.

One thing I'm grateful for: #HealthRage2015

June 9, 2015

One thing I learned today: "Whatever you accept you go beyond. Whatever you fight you are stuck with." -Eckhart Tolle

One thing I'm grateful for: "Whatever you accept you go beyond. Whatever you fight you are stuck with." -Eckhart Tolle

June 8, 2015

One thing I learned today: It's best to keep streaks going.

One thing I'm grateful for: All of the generous people who donated to my suicide prevention walk.

June 7, 2015

One thing I learned today: "The key is not the will to win... everybody has that. It is the will to prepare to win that is important." -Bobby Knight

One thing I'm grateful for: Sleep.

June 6, 2015

One thing I learned today: Overtraining is bullshit.

One thing I'm grateful for: Fight sports.

June 5, 2015

One thing I learned today: BACK to low carb! :P

One thing I'm grateful for: Redline!

June 4, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm going to be just fine. Other people's lives are not a threat. And mine isn't so horrible.

One thing I'm grateful for: Levity.

June 3, 2015

One thing I learned today: I need to stay even more on top of sleep. Sleep trumps all.

One thing I'm grateful for: Ass-kicking workouts.

June 2, 2015

One thing I learned today: I need to stay more on top of PT.

One thing I'm grateful for: A renewed enthusiasm for working out.

June 1, 2015

One thing I learned today: I might need to stock some snacks for Mondays & Tuesdays.

One thing I'm grateful for: My new squatty potty.

May 31, 2015

One thing I learned today: I can.

One thing I'm grateful for: Everything.

May 30, 2015

One thing I learned today: Being stuck is the most absolutely excruciating experience in the world. I'd rather acute, searing pain than this.

One thing I'm grateful for: Being able to fall asleep.

May 29, 2015

One thing I learned today: Cycles gonna cycle.

One thing I'm grateful for: Hating makeup and nail polish. And owning my love of grey & black.

May 28, 2015

One thing I learned today: I look a lot better than I thought.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some help from my parents. And a new perspective.

May 27, 2015

One thing I learned today: "Beware the person selling suffering as dedication, exhaustion as virtue, and obsession as health." - Brad Pilon

One thing I'm grateful for: Fear.

May 26, 2015

One thing I learned today: Scales are stupid.

One thing I'm grateful for: Produce.

May 25, 2015

One thing I learned today: I should meditate more.

One thing I'm grateful for: The Breathing Room.

May 24, 2015

One thing I learned today: I want this to be permanent. 

One thing I'm grateful for: "The most interesting thing that happened wasn't that I successfully avoided cheating. It was that some of the people I spent the holidays with treated me as if though I was torturing myself. They knew I had a food addiction, were inspired by my progress, and congratulated me on my progress. However, they expected me to cheat. I’m glad I can look from the outside in at the absurd pedestals we place on our food on. To me, it’s tantamount to presenting your car’s gasoline in a crystal vase before putting it in the tank. That’s partially why I’m successful."

May 23, 2015

One thing I learned today: Wishing it were any other way is just cruel.

One thing I'm grateful for: The wisdom to stop torturing myself.

May 22, 2015

One thing I learned today: That Anna Lidofsky thinks my pen name should be Gwendolyn.

One thing I'm grateful for: That my TB is latent.

May 21, 2015

One thing I learned today: Don't stray from low carb. Bad idea for me.

One thing I'm grateful for: That I still got up and got going today, even though I slept through yoga.

May 20, 2015

One thing I learned today: Stop skipping morning workouts!

One thing I'm grateful for: Organization.

May 19, 2015

One thing I learned today: "Failure has no meaning, as I am not attempting to succeed."

One thing I'm grateful for: Cool breezes.

May 18, 2015

One thing I learned today: Water >>> coffee when anxious. But I still want a decaf...

One thing I'm grateful for: Some upcoming weekends in Boston to get stuff done!

May 17, 2015

One thing I learned today: I never want to live in New York City.

One thing I'm grateful for: An awesome massage.

May 16, 2015

One thing I learned today: It's ok to live healthy just for you, on your own.

One thing I'm grateful for: A sweaty workout

May 15, 2015

One thing I learned today: If you feel uncomfortable in your body, it doesn't matter where you are - nowhere feels good.

One thing I'm grateful for: Getting out of Boston for a couple more days.

May 14, 2015

One thing I learned today: Dieting is actually really difficult.

One thing I'm grateful for: 17 days sugar-free.

May 13, 2015

One thing I learned today: It doesn't get easier fast.

One thing I'm grateful for: This smart lady.

May 12, 2015

One thing I learned today: I may need to reinstate difficult morning cardio to reduce anxiety and boost mood. It seems to do the trick better than anything else.

One thing I'm grateful for: An appointment in just 4.5 hours.

May 11, 2015

One thing I learned today: Taking good care of myself will continue to be a lot of work.

One thing I'm grateful for: Tears.

May 10, 2015

One thing I learned today: Everything's better with a friend.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some great apartment-hunting advice & a beautiful, sunny new home.

May 9, 2015

One thing I learned today: It's always better to have a friend around.

One thing I'm grateful for: MB

May 8, 2015

One thing I learned today: Lithium is fairly well-known to cause weight gain. I'm not crazy.

One thing I'm grateful for: A possible explanation for some temporary unrest.

May 7, 2015

One thing I learned today: I absolutely cannot stand overly positive people. Especially when they're overly proud of it.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some promising lab values that brought just a little relief.

May 6, 2015

One thing I learned today: Turns out I'm still not comfortable with taking long-term medication.

One thing I'm grateful for: That I did something good for myself, despite feeling very bad about myself. 

May 5, 2015

One thing I learned today: Needing psych meds is awful.

One thing I'm grateful for: Dad.

May 4, 2015

One thing I learned today: I would rather die than ever, ever live in a co-op.

One thing I'm grateful for: A great nurse practitioner visit!

May 3, 2015

One thing I learned today: I need better hiking gear...

One thing I'm grateful for: The great outdoors!

May 2, 2015

One thing I learned today: There is always a way.

One thing I'm grateful for: AUDREY THE BULLDOG! <3 <3 <3

May 1, 2015

One thing I learned today: You'll feel better once you get out of bed. The dread is the worst part.

One thing I'm grateful for: Weekend plans!

April 30, 2015

One thing I learned today: Whole30 regulates my appetite perfectly. Three meals, no snacks, never hungry. Pretty cool.

One thing I'm grateful for: Hiking plans!

April 29, 2015

One thing I learned today: I can never stagnate like this again. It's been poison for me.

One thing I'm grateful for: The promise of moving on in just 94 short days.

April 28, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm still so angry.

One thing I'm grateful for: A therapist who won't waste my time. Also, somewhere where I can learn real mindfulness, not some watered down Western version.

April 27, 2015

One thing I learned today: Don't write people off. You never know when they'll turn around and surprise you.

One thing I'm grateful for: Deciding to give myself a small pass on something today.

April 26, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm ready to make a comeback.

One thing I'm grateful for: Actually being able to relax and enjoy myself for a couple of days. That hasn't happened in a LONG time.

April 25, 2015

One thing I learned today: It's just the beginning. That was a prelude.

One thing I'm grateful for: Friends, family, nature.

April 24, 2015

One thing I learned today: Release. Holding on hasn't been doing you any good. Also, this IS like all my other endeavors, so of course I know what to do. I just haven't wanted to do it. But I can start now, and that's ok. Only took a year to get through to me. (Ok, that was two things.)

One thing I'm grateful for: That I'm at the starting line. That's ok too.

April 23, 2015

One thing I learned today: Don't stop.

One thing I'm grateful for: A good day. And 30-Day Challenges.

April 22, 2015

One thing I learned today: It's ok to rest for no reason.

One thing I'm grateful for: 2 days sugar-free.

April 21, 2015

One thing I learned today: More yoga is better.

One thing I'm grateful for: 1 day sugar-free.

April 20, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm not going to do this anymore. Not like this.

One thing I'm grateful for: The dentist.

April 19, 2015

One thing I learned today: Food addiction is going to be incredibly hard to overcome.

One thing I'm grateful for: Although I'm not generally a fan, I was happy to read this quote I could truly relate to about having had mental illness since early childhood - "It's not like I had an opportunity to exist in a carefree way." -Lena Dunham

April 18, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm not the only one who gets too tired to do things on a weekend night!

One thing I'm grateful for: A great adventure day with a great friend!

April 17, 2015

One thing I learned today: Choosing to live is brave.

One thing I'm grateful for: The best teeth cleaning experience ever. Thanks Donna!

April 16, 2015

One thing I learned today: I should start eating breakfast again.  

One thing I'm grateful for: My Uncle Mike!

April 15, 2015

One thing I learned today: I was reminded several times that hardly anyone is ever as hard on me as I am.

One thing I'm grateful for: The best boss ever.

April 14, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm doing a little better than I thought. But there's a lot of work to do.

One thing I'm grateful for: A little bit of compassion for myself. Generosity that exceeded my expectations.

April 13, 2015

One thing I learned today: Hiding is the worst solution.

One thing I'm grateful for: Biggie. People who care.

April 12, 2015

One thing I learned today: I can run faster than I thought!

One thing I'm grateful for: A great, sunny morning.

April 11, 2015

One thing I learned today: I want to be better. I want to be proud of myself every day.

One thing I'm grateful for: That someone gave me a tough time yesterday.

April 10, 2015

One thing I learned today: I really miss WWAD mode...

One thing I'm grateful for: A little bit of hope.

April 9, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm never going to return to baseline. I'm not the same person.

One thing I'm grateful for: Baseline was never good enough anyway.

April 8, 2015

One thing I learned today: Weight loss takes a LOT of effort.

One thing I'm grateful for: Hope that I can #WWAD this shit.

April 7, 2015

One thing I learned today: I have a really low tolerance for forced positivity.

One thing I'm grateful for: Only a few more months here.

April 6, 2015

One thing I learned today: I really hate the whole concept of dating.

One thing I'm grateful for: Work friends.

April 5, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm lonely.

One thing I'm grateful for: The best therapist in the whole world.

April 4, 2015

One thing I learned today: It's time to move on with life.

One thing I'm grateful for: "Are you someone who forgets?" "...no." Laughter. :)  (Biggie)

April 3, 2015

One thing I learned today: Assertiveness is good; aggressiveness is a huge turn-off.

One thing I'm grateful for: The strength to resist donuts.

April 2, 2015

One thing I learned today: Low carb is absolutely, 100% what works for my body.  

One thing I'm grateful for: An understanding clinician. And a reminder of what I've been through.

April 1, 2015

One thing I learned today: My body is going to kick and scream about this one.

One thing I'm grateful for: Herbal tea.

March 31, 2015

One thing I learned today: Keto is going to take some adjusting to.

One thing I'm grateful for: Going to bed at 8pm tonight. :)

March 30, 2015

One thing I learned today: It's World Bipolar Day!

One thing I'm grateful for: 9 months of sobriety.

March 29, 2015

One thing I learned today: My would-have-been classmates are pretty cool.

One thing I'm grateful for: A gorgeous, sunny day in Burlington.

March 28, 2015

One thing I learned today: Just do it.

One thing I'm grateful for: Shout out to Sam B!

March 27, 2015

One thing I learned today: The job of insulin is to stop fat burning and enhance fat storage.

One thing I'm grateful for: The knowledge & will to buck conventional wisdom and embark on a ketogenic diet. F*** the haters. And the carbs.

March 26, 2015

One thing I learned today: "I know the empathy borne of despair; I know the fluidity of thought, the expansive, even beautiful, mind that hypomania brings, and I know this is quicksilver and precious and often it's poison. There has always existed a sort of psychic butcher who works the scales of transcendence, who weighs out the bloody cost of true art.” -David Lovelace

One thing I'm grateful for: missworld - brought me back down to earth right quick.

March 25, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm quitting everything, cold turkey, today.

One thing I'm grateful for: I'm quitting everything, cold turkey, today.

March 24, 2015

One thing I learned today: The self-care can't really slip, ever. Also I'm surrounded by people who have no respect for choosing to eat for medicinal purposes. But I don't really know how to advocate for myself in this situation.

One thing I'm grateful for: Someone who knows me all too well. :) And more friends.

March 23, 2015

One thing I learned today: Step out your front door - the whole world opens up.

One thing I'm grateful for: A new blog post from Swimming!

March 22, 2015

One thing I learned today: I am still too quick to write people off.

One thing I'm grateful for: That I didn't irreparably discard a relationship this time.

March 21, 2015

One thing I learned today: Sickness is a BIG, BIG trigger for me. Noted & I will bolster against it in the future! 

One thing I'm grateful for: That Biggie has put up with me being kind of a brat lately. And is still always there.

March 20, 2015

One thing I learned today: I know too much.

One thing I'm grateful for: FRIENDS.

March 19, 2015

One thing I learned today: It's good to try and be among the living.

One thing I'm grateful for: A great workout.

March 18, 2015

One thing I learned today: I miss it - I wasn't expecting that.

One thing I'm grateful for: Cycles.

March 17, 2015

One thing I learned today: Don't drink caffeine. Don't look at screens before bed. Don't stray from your schedule.

One thing I'm grateful for: A busy day at work.

March 16, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm going to have to treat the task at hand with a #WWAD mentality. And a real plan that I stick to.

One thing I'm grateful for: A bright & early start.

March 15, 2015

One thing I learned today: How to make the perfect mug cake. (Ok, I learned this yesterday actually. And by learned, I mean, invented the recipe myself.)

One thing I'm grateful for: Mug cakes.

March 14, 2015

One thing I learned today: "People shoot for happiness but feel formed through suffering."

One thing I'm grateful for: "Recovering from suffering is not like recovering from a disease. Many people don't come out healed; they come out different." -David Brooks

March 13, 2015

One thing I learned today: It's ok to not really like parties anymore.

One thing I'm grateful for: The first annual Guac-Off Walk-Off. And Biggie.

March 12, 2015

One thing I learned today: Time changes really are a bitch.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some flexibility at work.

March 11, 2015

One thing I learned today: I should live with dudes.

One thing I'm grateful for: BPConnect. You guys are awesome. And a fellow classmate offering a ride.

March 10, 2015

One thing I learned today: My OKC profile apparently has a lot of pagan references. Who knew?!

One thing I'm grateful for: Lunch.

March 9, 2015

One thing I learned today: DST definitely does suck for me.

One thing I'm grateful for: That I have group tomorrow. WHO AM I?!

March 8, 2015

One thing I learned today: My situation isn't THAT unique.

One thing I'm grateful for: A bunch of people to talk to today.

March 7, 2015

One thing I learned today: It's still there. And it's ok.

One thing I'm grateful for: Getting out of bed early.

March 6, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm really sad about what I've been missing.

One thing I'm grateful for: Friends popping out of the woodwork. And Fun Fridays.

March 5, 2015

One thing I learned today: Most people take the path of least resistance. Don't be like most people.

One thing I'm grateful for: A great health insurance company. Thanks BCBS!

March 4, 2015

One thing I learned today: "Depression is a prison where you are both the suffering prisoner and the cruel jailer." -Dorothy Rowe

One thing I'm grateful for: "If you're going through hell, keep going." -Winston Churchill

March 3, 2015

One thing I learned today: We're not struggin', we're THUGGIN'.

One thing I'm grateful for: Bipolar Facebook.

March 2, 2015

One thing I learned today: "I'm a slow walker, but I never walk back." -AL

One thing I'm grateful for: Quiet determination.

March 1, 2015

One thing I learned today: Don't take friends for granted.

One thing I'm grateful for: A loss of appetite. Not a great thing, but somewhat useful when trying to quit sugar.

February 28, 2015

One thing I learned today: Too much. Way too much.

One thing I'm grateful for: The end of FOL Feb.

February 27, 2015

One thing I learned today: Waking up before 6am always does the trick for some reason.

One thing I'm grateful for: Schedules.

February 26, 2105

One thing I learned today: I'm already lightyears ahead of my colleagues in one respect.

One thing I'm grateful for: SUZ.

February 25, 2015

One thing I learned today: Vermont continues to be the best.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some useful research by my Dad.

February 24, 2015

One thing I learned today: It's best to not fall down, because getting up is really hard.

One thing I'm grateful for: My fleece blanket!

February 23, 2015

One thing I learned today: Refeeding works.

One thing I'm grateful for: That I'm still alive.

February 22, 2015

One thing I learned today: Getting an early start is the BEST.

One thing I'm grateful for: Having a hoarse voice from spending so much time talking with friends.

February 21, 2015

One thing I learned today: Champions train, losers complain.

One thing I'm grateful for: Heat. Now if only we'd actually use it...

February 20, 2015

One thing I learned today: Get back off caffeine and SLEEP.

One thing I'm grateful for: Incremental goals.

February 19, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm a little bit less alone than I thought, and I know it because i wasn't afraid to speak.

One thing I'm grateful for: Work friends.

February 18, 2015

One thing I learned today: IgG food allergen tests are legit and are most commonly used to guide elimination diets, the results of which are then considered fully diagnostic.

One thing I'm grateful for: That someone other than my functional MD actually wants me to get off gluten.

February 17, 2015

One thing I learned today:    "Don't walk in front of me
                                                   I might not follow
                                                   Don't walk behind me
                                                   I may not lead
                                                   Just walk beside me and
                                                   Be my friend."                - Albert Camus

One thing I'm grateful for: Kindred souls. May we all find freedom someday.

February 16, 2015

One thing I learned today: Really no one else can take a shower for me. :-/

One thing I'm grateful for: The friendly people at the front desk of the Y.

February 15, 2015

One thing I learned today: I've been through a tornado. Rebuildling efforts will likely be slow. That's ok.

One thing I'm grateful for: Someone who reminds me of that.

February 14, 2015

One thing I learned today: We can call this a "bp required pause."

One thing I'm grateful for: That I didn't let a near miss become a miss.

February 13, 2015

One thing I learned today: I have so much work to do.

One thing I'm grateful for: http://itsalmo.st/#timeforvermont

February 12, 2015

One thing I learned today: Sleep depresses mood, unfortunately. :-/

One thing I'm grateful for: One clean day under my belt.

February 11, 2015

One thing I learned today: It's never about you.  

One thing I'm grateful for: Ruby Wax.

February 10, 2015

One thing I learned today: I suck.  Edit ~10pm: Small victories matter.

One thing I'm grateful for: Sleep.

February 9, 2015

One thing I learned today: Open the curtains ASAP.

One thing I'm grateful for: psycheducation.org

February 8, 2015

One thing I learned today: Eating healthy really doesn't have to be hard. I knew this, but I was overcomplicating it.

One thing I'm grateful for: Getting called out.

February 7, 2015

One thing I learned today: I've become a lot more flexible.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some visitors.

February 6, 2015

One thing I learned today: List accompli works!

One thing I'm grateful for: A friend who was genuinely curious about what I'd been through.

February 5, 2015

One thing I learned today: Pretend it's not you.

One thing I'm grateful for: Biggie for some helpful info today, Mini for being funny as always.

February 4, 2015

One thing I learned today: I have no idea how to think about anything.

One thing I'm grateful for: The snow.

February 3, 2015

One thing I learned today: It's not so bad once you're out in it.

One thing I'm grateful for: A reminder that I don't actually hate winter.

February 2, 2015

One thing I learned today: An MDE still feels like mono.

One thing I'm grateful for: The best cat ever. <3 And a buddy for NSF!

February 1, 2015

One thing I learned today: Light is important. Open the curtains right away.

One thing I'm grateful for: BPPP's, BPP's!

January 31, 2015

One thing I learned today: This is a loss.

One thing I'm grateful for: A much needed kick in the pants.

January 30, 2015

One thing I learned today: I need more motivation. SO badly.

One thing I'm grateful for: Someone else's good mood.

January 29, 2015

One thing I learned today: This might be a bigger fight than I'd envisioned.

One thing I'm grateful for: A difficult conversation.

January 28, 2015

One thing I learned today: I am looking forward to something.

One thing I'm grateful for: Some exercise.

January 27, 2015

One thing I learned today: Take nauseating meds with food. It actually works.

One thing I'm grateful for: Reduction of at least one stressor.

January 26, 2015

One thing I learned today: "It’s like treading water – you never actually get anywhere but if you’re lucky you just don’t drown."

One thing I'm grateful for: MB & Jas & AK.

January 24, 2015

One thing I learned today: I should have stayed. 

One thing I'm grateful for: Suzie.

January 23, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm not the best judge of how I'm doing right now, and that's pretty scary.

One thing I'm grateful for: Someone who I know will never lie to me.

January 22, 2015

One thing I learned today: My coworkers are amazing people.

One thing I'm grateful for: Real support. 

January 21, 2015

One thing I learned today: Sleep meds still don't work on me. :-/

One thing I'm grateful for: A great roommate.

January 20, 2015

One thing I learned today: Ceasing completely to take care of yourself counts as a crisis.

One thing I'm grateful for: A (relatively) short wait time. 

January 19, 2015

One thing I learned today: I absolutely, 100% hate being single. I hate being told that it's a good thing, or to look at silver linings. I'm not happy.

One thing I'm grateful for: In the urge to anhilate, a moment of (painful) growth.

January 18, 2015

One thing I learned today: You know distractions are just bullshit.

One thing I'm grateful for: A Whole30 buddy!

January 17, 2015

One thing I learned today: I'm not sure I buy that it's the right move to be around people when I feel like this. Maybe I appear more personable than I am, but I cannot fathom that I'm acting remotely normally in these states.

One thing I'm grateful for: Leggings.

January 16, 2015

One thing I learned today: I need some alone time.

One thing I'm grateful for: Facebook deactivation, blocking functions & OCD.

January 15, 2015

One thing I learned today: I need to stop eating fruit. Fruit is a gateway drug.

One thing I'm grateful for: Not giving a shit for a little while at least.

January 14, 2015

One thing I learned today: Above all, I want to be braver.

One thing I'm grateful for: The ability to recognize some brave things I've done.

January 13, 2015

One thing I learned today: Don't give a shit what other people think about or do regarding health and wellness. You literally know almost everything in this sphere, and aren't going to get better advice from another source here.

One thing I'm grateful for: A lovely gift from my coworker! 

January 12, 2015

One thing I learned today: It might not get easier. But there really aren't many options if that's the case. Keep going. (As cheesy and lame as I feel saying that right now.)

One thing I'm grateful for: My roommates. And I guess Biggie even though he's been annoying lately. And AK and TC and my parents. And Swimming.

January 11, 2015

One thing I learned today: I thought anxiety was a past issue for me... HA HA. Funny.

One thing I'm grateful for: A friend cognitively reframing for me what I could not today.

January 10, 2015

One thing I learned today: Not deciding anything is a cop-out. I wish I would call more of my shots.

One thing I'm grateful for: A lot of friends coming out of the woodwork today!

January 9, 2015

One thing I learned today: "Administration of a drug to an addict will cause reestablishment of chemical dependence upon the addictive substance."

One thing I'm grateful for: Blankets.


January 8, 2015

One thing I learned today: Organization matters for me. A LOT.

One thing I'm grateful for: Cognitive reframing skills.